Thanksgiving 2015

To my dear children,

Wherever you are, however you’ve spent the day, remember that my thoughts are with you.

I hope you have much to be grateful for today, and that life is good.

With love….

Always,

Mom

 

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Happy 18th

Dear L,

Very simply… Happy birthday. Wherever you are on this day, whatever you do to celebrate, my best wishes for your every happiness are with you.

I love you.

Always.

~ Mom

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Silly or Not

Maybe you’d think this silly, but bad weather makes me think of you.

I heard a neighbor scraping ice off the windshield this morning. My thoughts immediately turn to road conditions and I wonder where you have to go today. School. Work. Errands, perhaps. I know there’s no avoiding driving in wintery conditions when we live where we do, and I’ve experienced that you are skilled, careful drivers. I realize accidents can happen on sunny days too. There’s just a little extra challenge in being out on the roads today. So, silly or not, I’m thinking of you and wishing you safe travels if you venture out. And when you arrive wherever you are going, I hope you have a wonderful day.

I love you.

Always,

Mom

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Christmas 2014

My dear R, T, S, & L,

Wherever you are, know that you are loved and held closely in my heart and thoughts, not only at Christmas but every day.

I hope your Christmas was a welcome celebration of the love in your lives…. that you were reminded of the gifts you already possess in the form of family and friends… that you had many occasions to smile, laugh, and connect… that you made warm, vibrant new memories and revisited the best of holidays past…. that you took this opportunity to share your devotion, gratitude, and regard for those dearest to you.

I reached out to each of you, in the way that seems best suited to each of you. This year, those gestures are much more individualized than in the past four years. It’s a delicate balance, and one I approach with care. The holidays are charged with emotions and expectations; so I while I believe it’s important that I do reach out to you now, I understand that it may in fact be too emotional for you to respond.  Whatever the situation for each one of you, I respect your individual process and journey. However you feel about me, whatever action you choose to take or not take, whatever space you give me in your thoughts, know that I love you, without reservation, expectation, or condition. There will never come a day when you are not welcome in my life, in whatever form suits you; there will never be an emptiness where you used to be in my heart, because you are always there and nothing done or said, no amount of time or space, will change that. The door, as the saying goes, is always open.

Merry Christmas.

I love you,

Mom

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I Had to Say …

My dear R,

I read dozens of inspiring memes every day on facebook. Some make me smile, some are worth a quick share, and a select few make it into my book of quotes. But one today touched some delicate memory like a bird’s wing brushing a summer blossom, releasing a shimmering, fleeting puff of fragrance. And within that tiny movement, a hundred flowers are remembered, all crowding into one moment, a sensation of singular beauty made up of every petal.

I felt you in between the words somehow. The way you express the moods, the colors, the flavors of your life. And I just had to tell you how singularly beautiful you are, how much I loved witnessing your unique way of being in the world. How much I miss you.

With love, today and always.

~ Mom

“Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, and quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love Fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow.”

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L’s 17th Birthday

Dear L,

Happy birthday! I hope you’ve celebrated well & much today; I hope you were reminded of how loved you are; I hope the people in your life made you smile with their kindness, their wishes, their attention. 

You were a delightful child, so full of curiosity; you loved to learn by doing; you stayed on task far longer than I thought possible for a young child; you observed people; you hoped for peace and yearned to share it; you were always working to catch up to your siblings. The gap is closing now… you’ve nearly reached them. I have no doubt that you are a young man of dreams, ambition, and integrity. It is a pleasure to pause on this day and remember times spent with you. I will always wish for your happiness. I hope you always know that. 

Last year, around your birthday, we spoke on the phone for the first time in a long time; I had to listen hard to remind myself it was really you because your voice had changed so much. We’ve had no contact since then. I invited you by letter to talk to me again this year, and even asked Dad if he would use his influence with you for a phone call. He says you say ‘no.’ I understand. Probably more than you think I do. You’re a young man, now; your mother isn’t on your mind, even on your birthday. And your world exists within a delicate balance; my presence upsets that. No matter what he says, it’s clear that your dad doesn’t think you should have anything to do with me. Voicing an interest in me is too costly for you, so even a brief phone call is out of the question. It would open you up to scrutiny and the subtle criticism and punishment he is a master at.

I really didn’t expect that you and I would talk or meet, but I had to ask …. you need to know that I have not given up trying, caring, hoping. I never will. I can’t do much, and I won’t push, but I can remind you these two times a year that you are on my mind and loved always. No strings, no conditions. Just loved. 

May this year bring pleasant surprises, opportunities to grow and to shine, dreams that make you stretch, and memories to warm your heart forever.

Happy birthday, my dear L. I love you.

Always,

Mom 

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Happy 19th Birthday

Dear S,

Happy 19th birthday!

My memories of your birth, your infancy, your childhood are so vivid, I sometimes forget that you don’t know what I know. You don’t have the images in your mind that I do … The baby in the bouncy chair, entertained by measuring cups or the puppy across your lap. The toddler scooting his red plastic motorcycle across the living room, into the kitchen, and back again, again, again, shouting “un-un!” to his adoring fans (also known as mom, dad, and sisters). The little boy who wouldn’t nap in the house, but who fell asleep in the car within a mile from home and was so dead to the world that he could be carried indoors and laid upon the sheepskin tucked inside his “Moses basket.”

And countless more …

Looking back is what mothers do, especially when their sons are young men, poised to make their way in the world. I’m no different. I will always remember the little boy you were, and I celebrate the man you are becoming. Already I can see the strength of character, the good humor, the loyalty, and the integrity that will guide you well throughout your life.

You have a good heart and a strong inner compass. From the first day we met, 19 years ago, I knew I would learn a lot from you. I have, and continue to.

I love you.

Always,

Mom

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